11:56 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 02, 2007
i have to admit that i sometimes lied in those letters, i still wasn't kissed at sixteen and i still need a friend
I don't really have anything new to say except livng at home with you're parents and your sister and her boyfriend really sucks.
I mean when i was working i was ok with it, cause i never really saw any of them i could pretend i was living alone, and every thing was good (except for the weekends, when every one was home, good god i hated weekends) but now, it's like every day is a weekend. it's horrible. really awful. i mean i have tuesdays and thursdays off and one of those is ruined because my sister has tuesdays off as well, and thursday, well billy is here untill he leaves about 1:20 for work, my dad comes home about 3:30....
I am so desparately awaiting my money so i can say screw you colorado and move somewhere else.
hell anywhere else would be better than here with my parents.
I'm even thinking about takeing out the 24k i've got in my own personal retirement account. just to get out of here.
and the thing is,, i'm not sure anyone would feel any different, i mean after living with you're parents for 24 years, living basically on you're own for three years and then being suck with them and you're sister and her finace, i'm thinking anyone in their right mind would be thinking being sent to siberia would be a break form that....
cat wrote to me today, and the wierd thing is, i saw two girls who looked exactly like she did back then (not like she does now (admitily hoter, but not the way i remeber her, but like she did when i first met her) but alas they were both with guys so..., I'm still debating what it is i will write her back with. It will certainly be the turth cause i'm pretty sure i can't lie to her, but which truth? there so many now-a-days.
do i tell her that i've been waiting for anyone, anything telling me where to move, and i'll be there? do i tell her i've been waiting for anything any reason to move anywhere on earth, all i need is a location (I mean this truthfully, if svelana would have asked me to move to russia, i would have been there in a moment and a half (it takes time to get shots for my dogs, but save for that, i'd have been on the next boat) never mind that she never actually read any of my letters, it didn't really matter to me. all i cared about was there was someone who was nice to me and in a far off land.... or do i act normally? like hey what's up? i'm not sure i can do that either. i haven't any clue what to do. i should at least be in my element.
I;m going to get the first step towards getting my passport tomarrow. getting a birth certifiacate. then in only and month~ month and a half, i'll be ready to apply for a passport. so it should only be another six months or so before i can travel abroud. now if only i wasn't terffied of flight.
oh well.
np:long lost penpal, hello saferide
"there was this letter, i never told you this back then, but it would be fair to say it saved my life"
